4 ways to cultivate self love

4 ways to cultivate self love

What the hell is self love?? You hear everyone talking about it, it’s the biggest hype on social media, you know you need to get on board but… what actually is self love? 

While everyone has their own little version, to me self love is deep rooted unconditional love for yourself. Unconditional is a word to pay attention to here - this means that no matter what happens, no matter what you do & no matter what anyone else thinks, you love yourself. 


Just like you would a significant other, you treat yourself with respect, patience & compassion. You speak to yourself like you would your best friend. You’re gentle with yourself & know that you too, are still learning lessons. You put yourself first & understand that it isn’t selfish, but selfless because you serve everyone best when your cup is full. You understand yourself & create who you are more & more each day. You connect with yourself - mind, body, pussy & soul. You love yourself through the lowest lows, the highest highs & all of the beautiful moments in between. 


Deep rooted self love is tied in with knowing that you are worthy, you are whole & you are enough exactly as you are in this moment. It’s looking to yourself for validation instead of to everyone else. It’s walking with your head held high & your shoulders pushed back. It’s building unshakeable confidence so you know that no matter what life throws your way, you are fucking amazing & you are fucking capable of anything. It’s peeling off any societal conditioning or masks that you’ve put on in order to “fit it”.  It’s having the courage to be seen in the truest form of who you are.


Self love… the real kind of self love, is fucking powerful & it’s something we need to strive towards every single day. Just like you never stop working for a relationship, you never stop working to keep loving yourself. 


Of course in life, moments will come up where you make mistakes. You do something out of character.  You say something nasty & regret it later. You do something you’re not proud of. These are the most important moments to come back to self love. It’s easy to love yourself when things are going right & you’re killing the game of life. It’s a lot harder when things take a swift left turn & you feel like a piece of crap. But these moments are the biggest game changers. They are the moments for the most powerful growth. 

If you can manage to love yourself through the trenches, you’ve arrived at the core of what real unconditional self love is. 


Now you’re probably wondering… that sounds amazing but how the hell do I get there? The journey is going to look different for everyone but the best thing you can do is be consistent. Do small things every single day that bring you closer & closer to a place of pure love & acceptance - for yourself & for your body. 


My favourite tools to cultivate self love are: 


Set a self love alarm - I want you to right now, set an alarm on your phone for a time in the morning & label it ‘self-love alarm’. Each time this alarm goes off, write one thing you love about yourself & one thing you’re grateful for. 

I challenge you to write something different every single day. Soon you’ll have a long list of things you love about yourself and your life! Really stick to this, even on the days where it’s easier to just turn it off & do nothing. I promise you that this tool is powerful & it truly changed my perspective. 


Mirror work - Mirror work can be a little confronting to start with but it’s so fucking empowering! What I do is set away all distractions so I can be completely present in the moment, stand in front of a mirror as close as I possibly can, look myself in the eyes & tell myself all of the things I love about myself, what I'm proud of & whatever else comes to mind - positive things only! 

The most powerful experience I've had with mirror work was a moment where I was staring into my eyes & I felt like I was looking at someone I was in love with. My heart felt so incredibly full & I realised "holy sh**... this is what self love truly is!"  

To take this one step further, do it completely naked. 


Affirmations - I find affirmations to be such a quick, easy & effective tool to use. You can repeat affirmations such as “I am beautiful, I am sexy as fuck, I am confident, I am a fucking queen” or whatever comes to mind. The great thing about affirmations is you can use them literally whenever you want, wherever you want and however many times you want. 

Say it out loud in front of the mirror, in your head when you’re driving or repeat it to yourself 10 times as soon as you wake up. You can even write it on a post it note and stick it to your mirror or set it as your screensaver. Tune in and see what works for you! 


Intuitively move & nourish your body - This was the biggest game changer for me! Instead of falling into fad diets, forcing yourself to go to the gym & listening to what Sarah on TV says about “getting the perfect body”, tune into your intuition. Move in ways that your body loves - whether that’s spin classes, aerial yoga, dancing, going on hikes, sports, the options are endless! Eat when your body tells you you’re hungry & tune into what your body wants to eat. 

Connecting with your intuition when it comes to food & exercise not only allows you to connect with your natural flow, it also develops a deeper sense of love & appreciation for your body. And please, put the fucking scales away. The numbers truly do not matter. We often forget that the female body is designed to change over time (hello, we carry humans in us FFS) so be gentle with yourself & remember, your body is capable of incredible things!   


If you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to reach out! I am always happy to help & no question is off limits.


Written by Sophia Calvi


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